the bare necessities

I've been thinking the past week or so, that it would be really nice if the bare necessities in life, were not a necessity at all. It would be nice to not crave sleep when it is all too often lacking. It would be nice not to have to listen and feel my stomach grumbling when I don't have time to give it the food it desires. These things would be nice. But what I think might be a bit nicer, is if these simple bare necessities were all the necessities that filled my day... and not all the other "necessities" that take away my ability to fulfill the natural cravings of my human body.


I did not intend to take the words of this tune from my childhood, but it seems as though I have, so I shall reminisce.

Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
That's why a bear can rest at ease
With just the bare necessities of life

And don't spend your time lookin' around
For something you want that can't be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin' about it
I'll tell you something true

The bare necessities of life will find you

true beauty

FACT: i am a pyro. i love fire. i love watching things burn.

so tonight I witnessed something truly beautiful.... physics in action.


when you [or anyone, really] is pouring gas from a gas can onto a fire, the fire will travel up the flowing stream of gas and explode the gas can, engulfing it in flames.

at this point, you [or anyone] would no longer have the desire to be holding said can of gasoline.

at which point, you [or anyone in their right mind] would throw the flaming can away from your body [after running around with it for a little bit, of course, out of sheer panic].

now, only if you're really lucky, would this flaming gas can happen to land in a field of brush... of very dead and dried out grass and pine branches...

i'm guessing you can only assume that all of said brush also would immediately light on fire.

and i am here to tell you -- that is exactly what happened. and it was beautiful.

i am also here to tell you, to have no fear, for most of it was caught on tape


NOTE 1: we were able to eventually get the fire to stop, and we did not in turn burn down the woods, which we happen to be right next to... but it takes a LONG time to put out a fire that consists of gallons of gasoline on dead grass... it just keeps going and going. and when you try to put it out, you will in turn catch on fire [at least this is the probable occurence].

NOTE 2: when playing with fire, have water near by, because if something like this happens, it probably would be nice to have some water on hand... luckily [since we were not so smart], we live in MN and there is still snow on the ground which is kind of like water, and also works to put out fire...

goodnight neverland.

it was good while it lasted.

cancer sucks

dear jesus.
my best friend is really sick.
he is in a lot of pain and feels like hell.
sometimes he can't breathe at all.
he can't eat.
and yet he throws up still.
his whole body hurts all over really bad.
he has a high fever and is all stuffed up too.
and dear jesus.
i love him so much.
it hurts me to know that he has to live like this.
and jesus.
i think it hurts you to see him like this too.
so please heal him.
make his head feel better.
take his fever away.
settle his stomach.
breathe new and fresh oxygen into his lungs.
relax his muscles.
and jesus.
if you don't heal him, please give him strength to get through this.
he is so weak.
his body is so frail and fading too quickly.
you tell me that in our weaknesses, then you are strong.
so jesus.
please be his strength.
be his strength.
tonight i want nothing else.
and jesus.
tomorrow i'm going to want the same thing.
i love you.
a.d.p.




if by chance you know my friend as well, then you also know he doesn't like people knowing about how he's doing medically... but i also know that he truly covets your prayers... so please pray for his health... or at least for strength... or peace... or understanding... he hasn't been doing well, i guess you could say... so, thanks.

L U T S E N

So this past weekend I went to Lutsen with some friends... I would definately say it was a blast. I haven't had that much fun in a long time... being cooped up in school 10 hours every day and all. It was nice to have a break and get out of town and away from the norm for awhile. And the slopes up at Lutsen are definately a lot better then all the ones around here. Hanging out with friends who could easily make me laugh was a huge plus too, of course. It brought much joy into my life, as well as much pain... physical pain, of course... but gotta take the good with the bad And I'd take this physical pain any day for another weekend like that.







This was 1/2 our group... notice the motel in the background... honestly the most shady motel ever. We arrived there on Friday the 13th and it felt like it was straight out of a horror flick. No joke. We had a lot of fun with that though... after the hebegeebee's left us, that is.










The top of this mtn had the best view. We could see several other "mtns" from here, as well as lake superior. It was b-e-a-utiful. It had just snowed 12-14inches on Tuesday, then was below zero until Friday when we got there when it was 30-50 degrees the whole time we were there... I don't think we could have had a more perfect weekend weather-wise.











Is there anything more comfortable to sleep on than a snowboard? Not then. At that point in time it felt like a warm comfy bed... I think we could have fallen asleep anywhere.



Soli Deo Gloria for such an amazing weekend...
it was greatly needed, and much appreciated.

i quit, i do not fail

To Fail: to fall short of success or achievement in something expected, attempted, desired, or approved
To Quit: to stop, cease, or discontinue


I, Ashley Danae Paddock, am a quitter.

Although I am a very competetive person, and in many things refuse to lose, refuse to give up until I've succeeded... or at least until I cannot physically go on any further... in many things, unfortunately, I would be considered a quitter.

I like to try new things. I like new experiences. I look at things other people can do and want them for myself... not in a jealous way, just in a "oh it would be cool if I could do that..." kind of way. So I attempt. And I usually suck at it, so I quit... without giving it a good enough try.
Many things have come easily to me in my life. If something doesn't come easy, and if I think it takes too much work... If I don't get "good" at it rather quickly, I'll quit... I'll deem it not worthy enough of my time. Because I see him and I see her and they are already so good at it... I could never be as good as them... or, at least it would take too much work... I want to already be good, I do not like the learning process.

Many things in life this aspect of my personality does not apply to... but for some, it does. I am trying to think of all the things I've quit in my life... but I can only think of a few. Now there are a handful of things in my life that I've had to quit due to [much hated] physical limitations... these are not what I'm referring to.

The things I'm referring to are the fact that my right hand never agreed with my left hand when trying to play the piano, or that putting strumming patterns together on a guitar was more difficult then desired, or just telling myself that i can't balance so the unicyle should just stay hanging in the garage, or just because heath got better than me at the bass, it had to be over for me... I quit.

I remember one time, several years ago, heath mentioned something to me about how I quit things. I think it was around the time I was thinking about buying a guitar before I knew how to play. At the time I was taken back by the statement, but lets be serious, it was true. And hey, I'm glad I never bought a guitar... me and the guitar were never going to get along.


All of this to say, I have a reputation of quitting things.
For some reason, unknown to me, I have always had one thing I've wanted to do before I die.
You know some people have a list of things, whether on paper or in their head of accomplishments or things to do before they die? I've always just had one for as long as I can remember.
My one thing is that I want to go out to Colorado and snowboard on the powderpuff mountains of the Rockies.
I agree, it's a strange dream. My family is into summer sports... water sports. We've never been a winter sports family. My parents used to snowmobile but gave that up when we were just small kids so we never got into it... We never did any kind of winter sports. I've never snow skiied or snowboarded, and honestly don't know why I've always had this as a dream. And I've also always realized that if this dream were to come true, I need to learn to snowboard at some point in time. Knowing I have a reputation of quitting things, it was a bit nerve-racking taking that step to learn... because it was something I so badly wanted to love to do.

So come October of 2008 I take a leap and buy a snowboard, never having boarded once in my life... never even snow skiied, never even been to any slopes. I figured that if I bought the board, even if I got discouraged, I'd force myself to keep going because I just dished out so much money for it, I better not waste it. Also, it's something I've always wanted to do... something I've always wanted to love.

This past winter I tried to go out at least once every other week, if not every week. Sunday's are my day off school and just so happens Sundays are the cheap days to go boarding, so it worked out just dandy. I loved every minute of it. Never once did I even get the slightest urge to give up. It was the time of my life... I do not want winter to be over.

things eyes hate

- getting shampoo in them
- forcibly being kept open when all they want to do is sleep
- making them study words on a page
......specially when they are tired and have remnants of shampoo in them

...take me back to the age of innocence...

"the way we're living makes no sense, take me back to the age of innocence..."
--cute is what we aim for--

"i want to know what it's like to be awkward and innocent..."
--motion city soundtrack--

lately i've been trying to remember the time when there was
no pain... no hurt... no worries...
when i thought that my parents were millionaires bcuz we always had what we needed.
when no one i knew had died,
when no one had ever told me i was worthless or unwanted,
when i hadn't ever had a fight with my parents...
back to the time when i didn't even know putting up walls was an option,
and my version of a bad day was heath not letting me play legos with him...
to not even be able to comprehend war and hate and crime and suicide...
to not know that so many christians are cliche...
to go back to that time...
to be awkward and innocent...
i wonder what it'd be like to be in those shoes again...


i wonder what it'd be like to be awkward and innocent again...

passion

what am i passionate about?

[setting aside my passion for Jesus Christ, which I hope will always take priority in my life]

i am passionate about my friends.
for those whom i truly love, i would do anything.

ode to the big juicy watermelon

currently i am indulging in a fine piece of delicious, red, juicy, cold, watermelon.
this has not taken place since the contest last summer.
at that point in my life its safe to say i never wanted to eat watermelon again.
but tonight... it is so delicious.

the joy of learning

--things i have learned this week--

1. i never want to live in rochester
2. the fazoli's in rochester didn't close when all the other ones in MN did -- and they still give out unlimited free delicious breadsticks
3. eva joy brandes is a very hospitable person [i was already aware of this, but found out first hand... thanks eva, for everything]
4. professors are very lenient and empathetic when you have to skip a week of school to go to the doctor versus going on vacation
5. if you don't tell anyone that you're leaving town for the week -- they will call and wonder what happened to you
6. no matter where you go you will always find doctors whom you cannot stand
7. i learned what it's like to literally have nothing to do -- it's been a LONG time since this has happened... and i also learned that i can take a 3 hour nap every day if i have the chance
8. if you go to a theater completely wasted, sit in the back row, and yell things out all the time, the police will come and drag you out, no matter how hard you resist
9. it's a lot harder to do hw when you're not in the school setting
10. amish stores will always remind me of julie patricia stoner
11. eva brings her accordian to birthday parties all the time, not just at camp
12. i am still the champ at freecell... and i definately had time to win enough games to proof it.

it happens

it's always fun getting hurt when it's doing something that you enjoy...
i mean, it's at least more fun then hurting yourself doing something you don't enjoy...

as i look in the mirror and see a swollen and bruised and scraped face, i grin and kinda chuckle to myself... and think to myself, 'man, i had a good night last night...'

but then again, the whole pulling muscles in my shoulder thing... that's a bit less fun of a reminder... a shoulder is something thats needed in most all ADL's [activities of daily living], so if it gives you excruciating pain whenever you move it the slightest bit, you're screwed... thus, i'm screwed... at least i know it'll heal.

spring or winter?

i have not decided if its spring yet... or if it in fact is still winter.
because the past couple weeks, it's definately been spring weather.
and the past couple days its been rainy.
rain means spring.
it does not rain in the middle of winter.
but, correction: it just did.
so i'm getting used to going outside without a coat on, and not warming up the car...
what'll get me is when the temperature drops again.
i won't be prepared for it.
because my body has already told me that its now warm outside.
i want more snow for boarding...
but i'm okay if it stays warm like this for the remainder of the winter.
though i do not think it'll happen.
i think we'll get a lot more snow in march like we usually do.
and i think the temperature will drop to be around zero degrees for awhile again before it warms up for spring and summer time.
that is my prediction.
though it has been very nice that the roads are clear.
very nice.

< for cam >

...even the skies wept for Cam today.

Would I clench my fist, fall down and scream at all I cannot do?
Or dry my eyes and crawl back to my feet,
And stumble after you.
-awh


there is so much pain.
and so much i cannot do to change it.
i want so badly to be able to take it away.
but it doesn't work like that.

he had to make the choice.

i'm not sure if it'd be the hardest or easiest choice for someone to make.

my guess is hardest.

there will be a day

the questions run so deep... and it's 2 in the morning.

i should be lost in sleep... but in my mind i am sorting

all the things that i can't explain... why so many suffer in pain

where's the answer?

i hide behind the smiles... in my heart i am bleeding

never knowing what tomorrow brings...

FEAR: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling of being afraid.

I was thinking the other day about fear... pure, genuine, fear.
Many people have things that they are afraid of, whether it is spiders, the dark, or clowns...
I do not have any fears of actual things, like those mentioned above.
However, I have been known to have the fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being unworthy or unloved.

But neither of those two types of fears were what was on my mind.
It was the "distressing emotion aroused by impending danger" type of fear that I was thinking about. I was thinking about the time[s] in my life where I thought, "this is it, we're all going to die". I came up with two instances.


1. Summer of 2008. Camp counselor. 10 jr high girls out on a pontoon. 10 jr high girls not sitting down. Long story short: the pontoon almost flipped over. Don't you even think about telling me that it's not possible. It got almost perpendicular to the water. At that point -- it was not possible for me to have any more fear than what I had already.
My thoughts:
1. we're all going to die [less realistic]
2. the pontoon is going to flip [semi-realistic]
3. i am going to get fired [who knows]
4. i'll never be able to work at camp again [who knows]
5. i don't know what to do [true]

I had so much fear in that moment. Obviously, it all turned out alright. 1/2 the girls fell out, and when it leveled out the water was over my knees, as the pontoon took on so much water -- it was submerged to over the benches. I didn't take a pontoon out for over a month after that. And the next time... I was the most strict pontoon driver you'll ever see.


2. Summer of 2005ish [sometime around there]. Family vacation to Mexico. After rope swinging through the jungle. Swimming in the river. Toni and I are adventurous people... ending up going through white water rapids [the kind with big boulders above and beneath the water] without a raft, without life jackets, without anything. Spending most of the time under the water being smashed against the rocks -- sometimes making it up for gasping breaths of air.
My thoughts:
1. Toni is going to die
2. Her parents are going to hate me
3. But I'll probably die too
4. The water is moving so fast
5. We don't have a chance to make it to the side
6. These rocks freakin kill to be thrown against

To this day, I have no clue how we both managed to make it to the side. All I remember is seeing Toni make it to the side -- then I was there beside her somehow. But during that time -- I experienced fear like I never had before.

Chapter Eleven in the Gospel of Luke

1Now Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he finished, one of his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray"...

5And he said to them, "Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, 'Friend, lend me three loaves, 6for a friend of mine has arrived on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him'; 7and he will answer from within,
'Do not bother me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed. I cannot get up and give you anything'?
8I tell you, though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his impudence [boldness, persistence, insistence, importunity, shamelessness, and shameless audacity] he will rise and give him whatever he needs.

9And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 10For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.

11What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; 12or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"


I like this passage. Verses 2-4, which I did not include here, is part of the "Lord's Prayer". I think too many people focus on that part of Jesus' answer than this part. Books upon books have been written on the Lord's Prayer, and yet I feel the next part of the chapter is what gets to me. I have heard one sermon on this passage years ago, and it still sticks with me.

If we are passive when we go to Christ with our needs and concerns, we may not get didily squat. As in this passage... if you go and ask once and don't get an answer right away, or even a "no", don't quit. Don't stop asking. Don't give up because you think it's a hopeless cause. Stand out in the street in the middle of the night, banging on Christ's door begging for whatever you may need. I believe Christ will honor our persistence... as this is how He told us to pray.

Christ is unchanging, yes. But that does not mean that He can't change a "no" to a "yes". That does not change who He is. And above all, His will shall be done, I understand that. But taking that into consideration, I do not believe we should go passively before our God just because, ultimately, His will will be done. We need to be bold, and have shameless audacity before His throne. We need to get on our knees and beg.

John 16:33

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world."

In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]

While you are in the world, you will have to suffer. But cheer up! I have defeated the world.

In this world you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world."

You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world."

In this world you will have trouble. But cheer up! I have won the battle over the world."

The world will trouble you much. But be glad. I have power over the world.'

Put it all together:


In this world you will experience trials and sorrow, trouble, tribulation, difficulties, distress and frustration, you will have to suffer... but take heart and be of good cheer, be couragous and confident, certain and undaunted, be brave, and be glad because Christ has overcome and conquered the world... He has defeated and won the battle over the world. Cheer up! For it is He who holds all the power over the world.


I realize that you can't just do this to scripture, but I just did. I think it adds so much meaning to the verse... it's probably something like what the Message would say, ha.

This verse is what our three week series at youth group is on. It's pretty intense. Everyone can relate to trials... For everyone has gone through them, is going through them, or will go through them... many I'd say fall into all three catergorizes.