once again it's all brand new

Camp starts on Saturday... and I think I'm a lot less thrilled about it this summer than all the past summers. But then again to think about it last summer was probably the least thrilled I could ever get, and being as I'm nowhere near the point in life where I was last year (all glory be), I guess I am semi-excited at least. I put my super-hero costume on today to make sure I had everything I needed, and I looked amazing, if I might say so.

I'm actually just incredibly tired because I stayed up talking to Craig for a long time. And since I'm not making any sense to myself, I'm really not sure why I'm attempting to write anything on here. So I probably am excited about camp, I'm just too tired to know it.

On a different note, I am going to the doctor on Thursday (hopefully) for the first time since January -- I think this is a record amount of time that I have spent away from the doctor. So to be honest I'm pretty anxious about it. Not in a bad way, just in a curious way. Because I've pretty much stopped letting people know that I am a sickly person and just fronted being a normal, healthy human being (harder than it sounds a lot of the time) -- and consequently this past semester has been an amazing one.

There is a possibility that I won't be able to go to the appointment due to my labs not getting processed in time (because my new doctors office is insanely slow with everything), in which case I probably wouldn't go until the end of the summer (which is not advisable in any sense of the word).

But Matthew also goes in for a docs appt. on Thursday and I'm way more anxious about his results... and this one is anxious in the bad way I do believe. But hey, I know it's all in God's hands. Anxious or not, the results will be the same, and God's will will be done.

a measly fortnight

It has officially been two weeks since my last post on here, and I find that entirely unacceptable. Since that time I have transitioned from St. Cloud back home into a bedroom that doesn't feel like mine.

I love the fact that I live with Matty because I never have to find anything to do, he just plans out my life for me... accept for tonight when he was gone and I was completely at a loss as to what to do.

This weekend we're going on our 2nd annual camping trip to the north shore which I am completely excited for. I think I'm getting excited for camp now too, but the jury is still out on that one.

I took a nap earlier, and by that I mean I passed out for three hours due to an unusual level of tiredness... so I cannot bring myself to go to sleep just yet, but at the same time have to get up bright and early to get on my way for the camping trip. Such a battle.

let it not be mine

Lately I have been thinking of plans for me life... I rarely plan my days out more than one or two days ahead of the here and now, and yet lately it has been in the far future that my plans have been made. I realize, however, that all of these plans are very tenative, as I don't know what God has in store for me in the future... so I need to keep my options open, but also knowing that none of my options might come to be.

So first of all I was thinking about a summer project next summer to Colorado, which I'm not gonna lie I was pretty stoked about, so the jury was still out on if that was my idea I put into my head or God's. Then today I was talking with Jeff and found out he is officially the new youth pastor at Westwood... meaning I can start helping out with the youth group. Not that I couldn't before, but since he was just the interm, I didn't want to only help for a short-while. But I can't know about that until I find out about my schedule in the fall for AT. Also, I don't know if God has me working with the youth group at Westwood, or Awana at Calvary... because that is an option too. And if I work with the youth group at Westwood... it is very likely that we'll be taking a missions trip to India "the untouchables" next summer, in which case I wouldn't be doing the whole summer project thing.

So all this to say, I have a lot to pray about, and a lot of clarity yet to come-- but at the same time I know that I have a lot time to decide about it. But I can't express how much I would love to work along side Jeff with the youth group.... so I can only hope and pray that my AT hours work with the schedule. Which I will be doing... praying, that is.


God, I just ask that you would give me clarity as to what you have in store for me. I want your will to be done in my life, not my own. I ask that you would strip me of my will so that I would not confuse it with yours. It's time for bed.