Tuesday, March 31, 2009

the bare necessities

I've been thinking the past week or so, that it would be really nice if the bare necessities in life, were not a necessity at all. It would be nice to not crave sleep when it is all too often lacking. It would be nice not to have to listen and feel my stomach grumbling when I don't have time to give it the food it desires. These things would be nice. But what I think might be a bit nicer, is if these simple bare necessities were all the necessities that filled my day... and not all the other "necessities" that take away my ability to fulfill the natural cravings of my human body.

I did not intend to take the words of this tune from my childhood, but it seems as though I have, so I shall reminisce.

Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
That's why a bear can rest at ease
With just the bare necessities of life

And don't spend your time lookin' around
For something you want that can't be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin' about it
I'll tell you something true

The bare necessities of life will find you

Friday, March 27, 2009

true beauty

FACT: i am a pyro. i love fire. i love watching things burn.

so tonight I witnessed something truly beautiful.... physics in action.

when you [or anyone, really] is pouring gas from a gas can onto a fire, the fire will travel up the flowing stream of gas and explode the gas can, engulfing it in flames.

at this point, you [or anyone] would no longer have the desire to be holding said can of gasoline.

at which point, you [or anyone in their right mind] would throw the flaming can away from your body [after running around with it for a little bit, of course, out of sheer panic].

now, only if you're really lucky, would this flaming gas can happen to land in a field of brush... of very dead and dried out grass and pine branches...

i'm guessing you can only assume that all of said brush also would immediately light on fire.

and i am here to tell you -- that is exactly what happened. and it was beautiful.

i am also here to tell you, to have no fear, for most of it was caught on tape

NOTE 1: we were able to eventually get the fire to stop, and we did not in turn burn down the woods, which we happen to be right next to... but it takes a LONG time to put out a fire that consists of gallons of gasoline on dead grass... it just keeps going and going. and when you try to put it out, you will in turn catch on fire [at least this is the probable occurence].

NOTE 2: when playing with fire, have water near by, because if something like this happens, it probably would be nice to have some water on hand... luckily [since we were not so smart], we live in MN and there is still snow on the ground which is kind of like water, and also works to put out fire...

Thursday, March 26, 2009

goodnight neverland.

it was good while it lasted.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

cancer sucks

dear jesus.
my best friend is really sick.
he is in a lot of pain and feels like hell.
sometimes he can't breathe at all.
he can't eat.
and yet he throws up still.
his whole body hurts all over really bad.
he has a high fever and is all stuffed up too.
and dear jesus.
i love him so much.
it hurts me to know that he has to live like this.
and jesus.
i think it hurts you to see him like this too.
so please heal him.
make his head feel better.
take his fever away.
settle his stomach.
breathe new and fresh oxygen into his lungs.
relax his muscles.
and jesus.
if you don't heal him, please give him strength to get through this.
he is so weak.
his body is so frail and fading too quickly.
you tell me that in our weaknesses, then you are strong.
so jesus.
please be his strength.
be his strength.
tonight i want nothing else.
and jesus.
tomorrow i'm going to want the same thing.
i love you.

if by chance you know my friend as well, then you also know he doesn't like people knowing about how he's doing medically... but i also know that he truly covets your prayers... so please pray for his health... or at least for strength... or peace... or understanding... he hasn't been doing well, i guess you could say... so, thanks.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


So this past weekend I went to Lutsen with some friends... I would definately say it was a blast. I haven't had that much fun in a long time... being cooped up in school 10 hours every day and all. It was nice to have a break and get out of town and away from the norm for awhile. And the slopes up at Lutsen are definately a lot better then all the ones around here. Hanging out with friends who could easily make me laugh was a huge plus too, of course. It brought much joy into my life, as well as much pain... physical pain, of course... but gotta take the good with the bad And I'd take this physical pain any day for another weekend like that.

This was 1/2 our group... notice the motel in the background... honestly the most shady motel ever. We arrived there on Friday the 13th and it felt like it was straight out of a horror flick. No joke. We had a lot of fun with that though... after the hebegeebee's left us, that is.

The top of this mtn had the best view. We could see several other "mtns" from here, as well as lake superior. It was b-e-a-utiful. It had just snowed 12-14inches on Tuesday, then was below zero until Friday when we got there when it was 30-50 degrees the whole time we were there... I don't think we could have had a more perfect weekend weather-wise.

Is there anything more comfortable to sleep on than a snowboard? Not then. At that point in time it felt like a warm comfy bed... I think we could have fallen asleep anywhere.

Soli Deo Gloria for such an amazing weekend...
it was greatly needed, and much appreciated.

i quit, i do not fail

To Fail: to fall short of success or achievement in something expected, attempted, desired, or approved
To Quit: to stop, cease, or discontinue

I, Ashley Danae Paddock, am a quitter.

Although I am a very competetive person, and in many things refuse to lose, refuse to give up until I've succeeded... or at least until I cannot physically go on any further... in many things, unfortunately, I would be considered a quitter.

I like to try new things. I like new experiences. I look at things other people can do and want them for myself... not in a jealous way, just in a "oh it would be cool if I could do that..." kind of way. So I attempt. And I usually suck at it, so I quit... without giving it a good enough try.
Many things have come easily to me in my life. If something doesn't come easy, and if I think it takes too much work... If I don't get "good" at it rather quickly, I'll quit... I'll deem it not worthy enough of my time. Because I see him and I see her and they are already so good at it... I could never be as good as them... or, at least it would take too much work... I want to already be good, I do not like the learning process.

Many things in life this aspect of my personality does not apply to... but for some, it does. I am trying to think of all the things I've quit in my life... but I can only think of a few. Now there are a handful of things in my life that I've had to quit due to [much hated] physical limitations... these are not what I'm referring to.

The things I'm referring to are the fact that my right hand never agreed with my left hand when trying to play the piano, or that putting strumming patterns together on a guitar was more difficult then desired, or just telling myself that i can't balance so the unicyle should just stay hanging in the garage, or just because heath got better than me at the bass, it had to be over for me... I quit.

I remember one time, several years ago, heath mentioned something to me about how I quit things. I think it was around the time I was thinking about buying a guitar before I knew how to play. At the time I was taken back by the statement, but lets be serious, it was true. And hey, I'm glad I never bought a guitar... me and the guitar were never going to get along.

All of this to say, I have a reputation of quitting things.
For some reason, unknown to me, I have always had one thing I've wanted to do before I die.
You know some people have a list of things, whether on paper or in their head of accomplishments or things to do before they die? I've always just had one for as long as I can remember.
My one thing is that I want to go out to Colorado and snowboard on the powderpuff mountains of the Rockies.
I agree, it's a strange dream. My family is into summer sports... water sports. We've never been a winter sports family. My parents used to snowmobile but gave that up when we were just small kids so we never got into it... We never did any kind of winter sports. I've never snow skiied or snowboarded, and honestly don't know why I've always had this as a dream. And I've also always realized that if this dream were to come true, I need to learn to snowboard at some point in time. Knowing I have a reputation of quitting things, it was a bit nerve-racking taking that step to learn... because it was something I so badly wanted to love to do.

So come October of 2008 I take a leap and buy a snowboard, never having boarded once in my life... never even snow skiied, never even been to any slopes. I figured that if I bought the board, even if I got discouraged, I'd force myself to keep going because I just dished out so much money for it, I better not waste it. Also, it's something I've always wanted to do... something I've always wanted to love.

This past winter I tried to go out at least once every other week, if not every week. Sunday's are my day off school and just so happens Sundays are the cheap days to go boarding, so it worked out just dandy. I loved every minute of it. Never once did I even get the slightest urge to give up. It was the time of my life... I do not want winter to be over.

Friday, March 06, 2009

things eyes hate

- getting shampoo in them
- forcibly being kept open when all they want to do is sleep
- making them study words on a page
......specially when they are tired and have remnants of shampoo in them

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

...take me back to the age of innocence...

"the way we're living makes no sense, take me back to the age of innocence..."
--cute is what we aim for--

"i want to know what it's like to be awkward and innocent..."
--motion city soundtrack--

lately i've been trying to remember the time when there was
no pain... no hurt... no worries...
when i thought that my parents were millionaires bcuz we always had what we needed.
when no one i knew had died,
when no one had ever told me i was worthless or unwanted,
when i hadn't ever had a fight with my parents...
back to the time when i didn't even know putting up walls was an option,
and my version of a bad day was heath not letting me play legos with him...
to not even be able to comprehend war and hate and crime and suicide...
to not know that so many christians are cliche...
to go back to that time...
to be awkward and innocent...
i wonder what it'd be like to be in those shoes again...

i wonder what it'd be like to be awkward and innocent again...

Monday, March 02, 2009


what am i passionate about?

[setting aside my passion for Jesus Christ, which I hope will always take priority in my life]

i am passionate about my friends.
for those whom i truly love, i would do anything.

ode to the big juicy watermelon

currently i am indulging in a fine piece of delicious, red, juicy, cold, watermelon.
this has not taken place since the contest last summer.
at that point in my life its safe to say i never wanted to eat watermelon again.
but tonight... it is so delicious.