the great escape

note to self: look up artist Phil Wickham – supposively really good, and sounds like Shawn Mcdonald.

--written thurs night-- but no internet because our internet sucks --
So tonight a group came to Cru that was called “the traveling team’’ or something to that effect. They came and shared about “missions” although I don’t want to use that word. Because the word missions has so many connotations to it. And they took all of the connotations of missions and smashed them to pieces, basically. It was good, real good. If it was on tape (and by that I mean cd) I would have purchased it, for sure. They just basically talked about how people say that they haven’t heard a call from Jesus, when they are missing that it is a command – to bare witness to Christ. So I didn’t really read into it at all besides the fact that I thought it was really good and I really liked the scripture they used. It didn’t seem like God was talking to me specifically through it, but it was great nonetheless.

They afterwards at Calvary I got to talking with Erica Pridey, whom I haven’t talked to this whole year pretty much. And we got to talking about project… not in any way that she brought it up and was pressing it upon me at all – but she got to talking about her job this summer at a church out in CO. And I got to asking about the project that goes on out there every other summer. It is childcare during the day, and witnessing during the nights… so it’s what I love during the day, and what I need during the nights. And it’s Colorado… can you say adventure? Now I’ve always had a huge blockade in my mind towards project… and mostly because my heart is at camp. But that’s where MY heart is… and maybe not where God’s heart is for me anymore. And I don’t want to say anymore like it won’t ever be again – like I know this summer I will still be at camp and God will still use me there. But at the same time, specially after talking with Adam Roub about going on a project then coming back to camp with so much more knowledge. I want that knowledge that you could only get on project, and as much as I don’t want to admit it and I say it’s not, camp is my safe haven. Yes it is challenging, but it’s safe. It’s what I know.

It’s not a done-deal, but it’s something that I will be prayerfully considering. I also think it’s a good thing that I’m going into the summer thinking about it, so I don’t go about the summer acting like I’ll just be there next year, because I think that I have taken things for granted when I do that, because every year, I am with a good amount of certainty that I will be there the following year. But if I go into the summer and looking at it that I won’t be there the next, I will do everything with so much more passion I think. At least that will be my prayer.
So God right now I ask that you would guide me. I ask that you would show me Your will, and that my ideas, my fears, my hopes, my dreams, would not be effected in this decision… that I would be completely relying on you to decide my next summer. I realize that it is still a ways away and I need to be focusing on the here and now, but this would be a big step for me. Help me to lay down my desires and seek yours. But I ask that yours would be made clear to me. I ask that you would put Godly people in my life or use ones already in my life to make the decision clear to me.