little is much

Sometimes I feel like God forgets that He has the power to perform miracles... because when it comes down to it, I don't understand why He doesn't sometimes. But that is also the beauty of not being God and not seeing the whole picture. Sometimes I wish I could see the whole picture... but that eliminates the growing period I guess, which is usually pretty crucial. I may never understand death though... or sickness. I have experienced a lot of sickness in my life, and I'm okay with it... rarely do I understand it at the time, and usually it sucks pretty bad, but I'm always, for some reason, okay with it. Maybe that's because I've accepted it as part of my life, like I have realized that sickness will always be apart of me.

But I can never quite accept it being apart of someone else. It is a whole different picture... specially when death awaits at the end of the sickness... I'm not okay with that. And I feel like the people I know who this has happened to would be the last people on this plante who deserved it, if we were speaking in those terms. People who have done with work of the Lord their entire lives.

I've been praying for Jane alot these days... and the song "Everything Glorious" by David Crowder has come to mind alot as well. It is the song that got me through my hell semester... and she will be made glorious. Today when I was praying for her was when I just thought that God had to forget he could save her... because I have no other explination why He hasn't. And I realize that that is completely naive of me, but it's what my heart feels, though I know it isn't truth. The mayo clinic says that they've never seen anyone degrade as fast as she has-- in a way I take comfort in that, knowing that the suffering time will decrease as well-- but in a way I think it means that I don't know if God is going to heal her. I mean... she deserves to be in His presence... how amazing. But how hard for everyone back here.


My Jesus, you make everything glorious.